Some days

Some days it is just gloomy outside... you don't want to go to work... or it is just really nice outside... and you don't want to go to work.

Not that there is a list of things to do at home necessarily, well... there is always that.... but dealing with work and the pressures and deadlines and feeling of ambiguity make you question why you are at work and not in an ashram or butterfly garden or in a yoga class rather than dealing with out-of-order printers and trying to be polite for 30 minutes with a customer who wants to purchase one, 32 oz bottle of our product...

I have a few offers from some old employees that would give me plenty of work to do at home. (I did write for a small publicatioin for almost 10 years) and I could also travel with my hubbie... when he has to travel for work. He is in Alaska right now and I am wishing I were with him.

Given my current situation, the outcome of which is sort of unknown... more chemo, surgery.. radiation... blah, blah, blah...
What would you do?

Chance meetings

Yesterday I stopped for gas on my way to work. The gas pump printer was on the fritz and I had to run into the station to get my receipt. As I waited in line for a minute.. I felt the urge to get pissed off. Impatience began to kick in as the cashier chatted away with someone in front of me. Clock ticking... getting late for work... I took a deep breath and wondered "okay.. why am I here?" I turned to look behind me at the next person in line. He nodded a "good morning ma'am" and asked how I was feeling... being bald and wearing bandannas are kind of a give away... but I answered that I was fine and asked how he was doing... "Yes ma'am, I'm doin jest fine too".. he smiled and looked down a little embarrassed.
My mind reeled back to a day in Clarkesville, MS when I'd stopped at the local grocery to find myself stepping into a time machine and whisked back to the 50's. An old black man quickly stepped aside to hold the door for me, removing his hat and dipping his head down, with no eye contact. Like a scene from Gone with the Wind... I felt embarrassed and sad.
So, the man at the Mobil station began to speak to his boss, who'd just stuck his head in the door to ask if he'd filled the truck with gas. "Yessir boss, I did jest like you said." It was 8 am and this man looked tired as hell. He held some crappy gas station food and shuffled apologetically as though he'd done something wrong. His work clothes were in sad shape and dirty. I don't know where he'd slept but the conditions of this man's life were not too hot. I got my receipt and turned to leave. The man reached out and touched my shoulder. I turned and looked into his watery eyes and in a low voice he said, "I pray that God blesses you, ma'am." I looked into his face again and thought of his situation and how he was thinking about mine...
"Thank you and may God bless your sweet soul" I replied and walked out into the blinding morning sunshine.
One minute you're pissed and the next you're blessed and now I carry him in my heart.

Start your day !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STKkWj2WpWM&feature=related
(click on this link)




Just saying you are in my prayers too... everyday.
: D

All is well

Fourth round down! No problem. Feeling fine and my blood count that had previously shown anemia was in the normal range. (sweet) So I suppose all the extra supplements etc. are paying off which is awesome!

No other health news to report. Another pet scan in a few weeks.

Share the blog...

Post Script....
Just so you know... I don't mind if anyone wants to share this blog with other people.
I am okay with talking about what's going on, it is just easier to keep everyone up to date this way rather than trying to talk to everyone individually... and maybe the blog might help someone, who knows. : D

In my life

About a half mile from my house, this road takes you to the beach. The trees are Banyans and form a canopy along the road and over the bridge that crosses the Intracoastal to the barrier island.

On my drive to work, if I take the scenic route... this is what I see... driving south, down Jupiter Island. It takes much longer to go this way but is well worth it. It is like driving through a beautiful, well manicured garden.

The rich and the famous have homes along this stretch of barrier island that curves along the mainland from Hobe Sound, where I live, to the Jupiter Inlet. Privately enveloped by walls of tall ficus shrub, you may only get a glimpse of a few houses as you slowly drive by.


Whoever lives here has a perfect spot on the Atlantic... but all the entrances are very private and secluded.

Lots of famous golfers have homes here... and the Fords, as in Motor Company... and one of the Johnsons... from Johnson & Johnson...

I catch a glimpse of the ocean, with my windows down and my camera sticking out of the window... and in the top right corner of the picture, I catch a dragonfly saying "good morning!" My sister tells me these are spirits... that is cool.

I have been told that this house is a two bedroom...

I think of having to vacuum it. LOL!

How could I not feel wonderful ? Every day is beautiful. My heart is so full. My body feels strong and healthy. My spirits are high.

Of course there is another way to look at things... there is always that...

but I can choose to look at things the way I want to. I choose HAPPY.

We all have this choice, everyday. Everyday I just keep choosing happy and so far... it is really working.

In my life and in yours, I know there is an infinity of everything through some cosmic connection to a higher self. Love, health, happiness, wealth, joy... or pain, suffering, loneliness, depression.

My song is inspired by life all around me: it wells up in me as gratitude for all I have... what God or Spirit or the Universe... has made, including my own self. I have been given a spirit of joy that carries me through whatever challenges I face.

4th Chemo Tuesday. This could be my half-way point. YEAH!

LOVE YOU ALL!

Billie

Pictures of the oil spill & then some

Nena and Alan's abode.







Bernice and Shugie.

My honey pie, Charlie and Nena's hubbie, Alan out for a cruise.


Okay, I promise not to get on my soapbox today....but as you can see... the water in Destin is clear as a bell... from that beautiful emerald green to deep azure blue and the sand, like sugar.




No OIL.




It was a great visit. We had wonderful shrimp gumbo and drove thru all the new developements in the area in Nena and Alan's Jeepster. I practiced my prom queen wave. Mom had a great time too. I think it gave her some confidence about being able to get out and about.

Just wanted to share a photo or two now that I have figured out how to load them. : D

Have a great day!

Billie & Bernice

Falling behind in my blog....

So, normally after chemo I go to see my Oncologist within about 5 days. I saw Dr. Canova on Monday. No really huge news this time but he seemed pretty pleased with how well I am handling chemo and not taking any of the additional drugs. Lord knows 5hours of intravenous drugs pumping into a body is more than enough. I am a little anemic but will just have to get out the iron skillet! Since I am handling it well, he may continue with the chemo for 8 rounds rather than 6 but definite plans haven't been made. Just have to wait and see.
I love the posts you guys put on my blog. If I ever have a glimmer of poopiness during a day, I can always take a second to read some of them and I perk up immediately. My family in the Memphis area that I haven't seen in way too long feels as close as my next door neighbor. Friends from as long ago as first grade still keeping me going. I appreciate you all so much. Much love to you all.

Snoopy's tap dance

Had my third chemo on Tuesday of last week. I decided after the first and second round that I wouldn't take any of the medications for nausea and pain they provide you to take after chemo and guess what... I felt better and got through the rough patch quicker than ever. So... Snoopy tap dance for me!!
Going to see the onc Doc tomorrow. I think he will do blood tests to see whats going on and will report back.
Sorry for the lag time in blogging. I have had several calls, emails etc. and didn't mean to alarm anyone. I am fine as frog hair and getting finer.
I hate to keep reporting the same old thing... blah blah chemo, blah blah testing, blah blah yucky days...
The truth is I still feel great and am loving life. I have an absolutely wonderful life... great husband, wonderful kids, adorable grandchildren, just all around great family. I am proud.
The thing is, I can't say, "I am going to kick this cancer's ass" because I don't know if I will or not. I will try my best but it's not "my" will be done, ya know?
I can promise this, if it is my time to go, I will handle that too. It is not like I'd be doing something I am not going to do sooner or later anyway... so I am sort of resigned to that. My life so far has been pretty wonderful and I have everything to be grateful for and I am.
I don't really believe in a one shot deal sort of life. I don't believe that you are born and you live and die and go to heaven or hell, end of story. I don't even actually believe in hell. Heaven I am still kind of hoping for! I respect tradition but I don't believe it is always the truth. I think we do come back time and again to live a life, often with the same people, with a common goal, to get to be the very best person you can be... I may need a few more lives to work on it. : D
I am not afraid. I don't fear death... and honestly, kind of look forward to it. I am not in a hurry to get there, but I am just here now and we'll see what happens. I am not in control, nor is anyone else... although there are many people you may never convince of that... they probably have ulcers.
I feel surrounded at all times with love and help and understanding and comfort and encouragment. I put familiar faces to these feelings and like to think of them as communications with others in my family that have died but are still very much alive. It is an amazing thing.