Saw the Surgeon ..... now that is funny

Another test Thursday... but surgery is coming soon. Can't occur before a month after my last chemo which would put it somewhere around the 7th of Oct. Fine with me. They can have it all, right now.


When I started first grade at Crawfordsville.... what? High School? I don't know, but we went... first through 12 grade... all together and it was grand!
Anyway, when I started first grade.. oh, I remember many things... I'd grown up in moderate isolation until then. We rode the bus and we were the first on and the last off in the afternoon. We were the furthest children in the back cotton fields at that time. Probably a suberb now but back then... it was isolation.

I can so remember my first day of first grade. What my Mom wore, how my teacher looked and the other kids... what a marvel. There was a petite girl, and she looked like a princess. She had long golden curls and the sweetest smile you'd ever seen. An adorable child. Her name was Joni.
I knew that I loved elementary school. I loved it.
Carlye and I were the back row center of ever photograph. I was tall and thin, Carlye was tall and healthym, for a girl. We became life long friends by merely asking each other if they wanted to be friends. I remember that simple moment as the purest definition of utter trust. "I will be your friend, do you want to be mine?" . My father, my brother and my sister all had the same third grade teacher, Miz Sarah. She'd retired just before I entered third grade.

In first grade, my brother was a senior and in a band (So cool I thought) and just barely made the football team so that we had enough people to even make a team. If anyone was injured or couldn't play, the game was a forfeit. When my brother graduated, there were I believe, eleven of people in th egraduationg class. The whole senior class of Crawfordsville and I was the flower girl ... it should have been Joni.

It was a sweet age and I wouldn't change where and how I grew up for the world.

I still love both Carlye and Joni and I always will.

Patience is a virtue, ya'll.

Visiting Dr. Canova

Dr. Canova is the sweetest man. He is fairly young and extremely smart but there is more. You can tell he has seen a lot. Therefor, he is reserved, unlike myself and his adorable nurse, Cory, who is more of a spaz like me. Cory had already called me and told me my test results were very, very good. She had faxed them to me but they aren't exactly easy to read so I waited for Dr. Canova who will tirelessly explain everything.
My original tests had shown cancer from my lower abdomen to my neck. From my lower abdomen, it showed up on my spleen, liver, lungs, and many lymph nodes that headed north. That was how we discovered it, by a small lump on my neck. Now, most of the lymph nodes are clear, nothing on the lungs or liver but still a cystic mass in my lower abdomen and something on my spleen. Dr. Canova seemed very pleased. We still have a way to go. I have completed 5 rounds and have an appointment with the surgeon on next Tuesday and he will call the shots now. It seems surgery is eminent although the when is up in the air.
There is a limit to how much chemo one can handle. I have handled it really very easily. Some people aren't so lucky. I can't even imagine going through all of this and not having cancer reduced. I am a lucky girl. But, chemo is tough on a person physically and there are "cumulative toxins" involved and the neuropathy... numbness in your extremities.. finger tips, toes.. a side effect that doesn't go away.
I am in a holding pattern until Tuesday. I am in good hands and have loving support all around me.
That is because of each of you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
P.S. the one eyelash is still hanging in there.... : )

Pen Pals

I don't remember ever having had a real pen pal when I was a kid, but I do remember wanting one. (I probably made one up in my head and wrote letters to them... : 0)

The office where I work has a cleaning crew that comes every two weeks. The owner of the company is a lovely woman named Eve. One Monday morning after they had cleaned over the weekend, I came into the office and found a note from Mateo, Eve's son. It gave a little brief history of his life and also asked that we try not to make a big mess for his Mom to have to clean up. Isn't that adorable. Well, I had to write him back. I asked several questions about his age, school, whether he had a pet...and I left the note on the counter. It laid around on the front desk of the office for weeks. My hopes for a pen pal were fading fast. I came into work last Wednesday and found a reply from Mateo.

Just in case you can't read the note it says, "Thank you, Billie and yes I do have a pet. He is a dog and my favorite book is Dr. Seuss and my favorite movie is Spider-man. I am 2 and 3. Thank you for asking all these questions. I hope you feel good and I feel a little sad about you, and feel better.

P.S. I am in 3rd grade.

Bye

I will pray for you Mateo Aguirre"

It just doesn't get stronger than that does it.

P.S.

A bunch of you write to my email address with your comments, thoughts, love and feelings and they are all so beautiful. I want everyone to read what you write to me. You should really post your comments on this blog and share your words and feelings with others. It helps everybody that way, right? Mateo certainly brightened my life. I bet he brightened yours too.

Plugging along...

Chemo number five went down like a champ on Tuesday. No problems, no side effects.
Had a great day at work Wednesday with an extra 27 or so people in for training. It was a lot of fun. Most of them I had talked with on the phone and finally got to meet. Getting ready for the second day of training today (breakfast, coffee, snacks, lunch... a Party!, and then we will settle down to normal again.
Just wanted you to know I am still kickin.
PET Scan today at 4:30 with results from that in about 4 days.
Saw the most awesome sunset coming home last night... Having a life threatening disease will hardly leave your mind so when you see something so beautiful, you do take it in a bit more. You can't help but think to yourself... "Well, if this is one of the last few sunsets I will have, I am really going to take it all in." and you know, that is not a bad way to live... cause you just never know. Life is full of beauty and wonder. It is all around you, every minute. Take it all in.

Laborious Day

Saturday, Sunday til about 1 pm and all day Monday we have worked on our kitchen putting in bead board (which I had previously painted) on all the walls and around the cabinets and also replacing the trim around the windows and the edges of the new bead board, which was my task.

We are more than half way there... and good Lord above, I respect a trim carpenter.

Sunday afternoon, my grandson, Ryan came home with Charlie and spent the night. What an adorable, happy child.

Baby Ryan is rockin that bandanna in solidarity.

I have chemo tomorrow and a busy week of work after that. I will also have more tests done later in the week and then have appointments with my doctors the week after that when they decide my near fate.

Chemo is not too bad, at least not for me. I have heard of people that lose a lot of weight and get pneumonia, etc. but I am still feeling really good. For a week or so after I am really tired and achy, and my taste buds go haywire( even water tastes weird) but then I get back to normal.

And I am grateful for a day when I can't do much of anything but sit in a recliner for 5 or 6 hours. I have a project I am working on... that requires a lot of sorting and gluing, so... perfect.

I am grateful for so many thing. My husband who solemnly recommends that we do not go into a construction business together... My Mom who wants to come over 15 times a day to "See the progress" and ask 15 million questions while I am trying to figure out a miter cut... and then makes blackberry cobbler. I am grateful for my incredible family, stretched all over the world and their loving support. I am grateful for my bald head... even though I still bend over when I get out of the shower to put a towel around my head. (?) I am grateful for the maybe twenty total eyelashes I have left. There is one eyelash on the lower part of my left eye... just one... and it is hanging on for dear life, so... I put mascara on it. "Go on you single eyelash... you be proud!"

I am grateful for the guys at work. They take me and what is going on in stride and treat me normal. And they can be so sweet. It must be weird for them too.

I have so many things I am grateful for and you know... I do not feel like a victim here. Not for one minute. I haven't shed a tear over having cancer. I am waiting. What comes next?