You need to know this and I am the one to tell you. I have pondered on it too much probably and thought... "Just spell it out".
You see, like I told you a little while back, I am not doing anymore chemo. My Oncologist... well, that is what he does, he gives you chemo. If he isn't giving you chemo you need to go to another doctor. In my particular stage of illness, that means Hospice. Now I know that sounds like putting the final nail in the coffin but not necessarily. They do work with a lot of people at their very end of life, 3 or 4 day gig and we have probably all been there. But this is a little different.
First of all, they all came and looked me over and asked what it was I thought they could do for me? Weird, I know, but after about the third person said something like that, I realized that even now, I don't look sick. I don't look the way I should look with the level of illness I have. I am just so purdy.
They seem to think I have a ways to go.
My numbers... short for CA-125 tumor marker numbers to determine the amount of growth...
have gone through the roof at 20,000.
I have hair! That certainly helps maintain some semblance of normalcy.
The last chemo I did, I went every day for a week. At the end of the 2nd week, all my gray hair fell out. I said that I told God I didn't want anymore gray hair and he answered my prayers. Gotta love that sense of humor don't you? Now my gray hair is all growing back and it looks almost normal.
Charlie is driving to N.C. to pick up my oldest grandchildren, Griffin and Alana... 12 and 8. They are going to stay with us for as long as I can keep them here. My only real problem is just getting so tired. And they aren't really used to me being tired. They are more used to me and Pop's being 12.
We had made all sorts of plans of things to do with them while they are here but now, I just want to look at their faces and try to picture them all grown and beautiful. They are so lovey dovey too and who doesn't need that? We will pile up in our bed with all kinds of junk food and watch movies and play games. It will be awesome.
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| 4 yrs. ago at Nick and Kristen's wedding. I think I was boo-hooing. |
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| They were so little!! And adorable!! |
Anyway, I just needed to update you and I didn't want to. Sometimes this blog is so hard to write. Coupled with the fact that I am still trying to work and write their blog... I am double blogging. LOL! I have got to quit work soon. Priorities.
I love you all.
I know that last blog about my elephant was a wild blog. People really responded. I hope I didn't come off too mean or mad or anything.
Try to understand, please... I can't answer the phone each time it rings.
I can't reply to all emails.
I can go to the door each time someone knocks.
I really can't deal with extra company.
I always want to... but I can't.
It is time for me to be selfish. All selfishness is not bad. We should all be a little more selfish.
At this time, I want to be with my husband and close family. I hope you can understand.
I will try to keep writing as often as possible but my focus is to relax and be happy and enjoy my riches.
Oh, and you won't believe this one.
You know, my the son and daughter in law that have the 3 year old and just had twins in January......
they are having another baby.
Stunned and thrilled.
My 8th grandchild.
Special Providence.
I pray for peace in your heart, love in your every act, patience, understanding and hope for all your tomorrows.