A New Day

As soon as I sit in front of my computer and open my blog to post a new one, the emotions come bubbling up and my eyes begin to leak.




What a year.



I have had a few years.... many of them have been challenging... and maybe I am getting a little soft in my middle years, or at least more emotional (if that is even possible) but 2010 was really something. In so many ways, this year has been really wonderful.



I am not making any resolutions. I think they are more set-ups for probable failure and guilt so, no thanks... I do however, have some goals.



The one thought that keeps coming to mind, over and over like a mantra is, What can I do to be a better person? How can I make a difference?



I have a chance to keep breathing for a while. What am I going to do with that time? I am not a bad person but damn, I know I can be better. I want to love more, live more, make people smile more. I want to hear a bird sing as if for the first time. I want to appreciate everything, more.



I want to share all the things I have learned and continue to learn with more people. Can I help someone that way? I hope so. My brain is working on a new blog. One that I would share with the public instead of this one that I mainly share with family and close friends.



My next and probably last chemo is this week. We are pushing maximum density on the toxicity level of chemo in my body, but so far so good. The last PET Scan showed normal (yippee) but the blood levels are still above normal for the type of "C" I have been treated for. I had an MRI on the 23rd of Dec. When they did surgery they removed my spleen and there was a lesion on the pancreas too, so they left the pancreas but removed what they could. The MRI didn't show anything there either. (yippee again) So, one more round and we will see if the blood levels reduce at all.



I hear a mockingbird outside my window. My grandfather could tell you exactly what kind of bird each call the mockingbird sang. I can't name one.... but I sure like to hear what it has to say. I think I will go outside and say hello. If you whistle, it will try to sing your song.



Love and peace to you,



Billie