Time has been at a stand still. Days are rolling by and one is just like the next. Waiting and waiting for things to change, test results to come in, Doctors to confer, etc. Hoping that the situation will improve and accepting what is. Or at least, trying to.
Charlie, aka Hubbie, has not left my side in the last 3 to 4 weeks. Its not that he just wants to be close to me... but he has some major back trouble too. And he wants to be close to me. Seriously, he is planning to have a minimally invasive back surgery in about 10 days. He has had several surgeries before and they are hoping to give him relief by removing any built up scar tissue. We are quite the pair. And even though I feel like crap, look like crap and probably smell like crap... he makes me feel like a queen. And he is in more pain than I am, pretty sure.
Thursday I had a PET scan done. It is a pretty cool test actually. You can't eat any carbs, sugar or caffeine for a couple of days and then they inject you with a dose of radiated glucose. This is immediately drawn to any cancer and lights up in the test. It showed the the obstruction I am dealing with is a tumor. Now the odd thing to me is that this little bugger popped up while I was going through the last two rounds of chemo. So, I am confused and I don't much like it. I see my oncologist tomorrow. And I have another test on Tuesday which is what they need to see exactly what and where they are dealing with surgically. I have to drink about a quart of some noxious fluid that tastes like liquid lemon pledge. They refer to it as "Pina Colada". They have a strong imagination.
Anyway, that is the story for now as far as I have it. Lots of unknown. Lots of homemade soup in the kitchen. Lots of time frittering away. I have never been much of a fritterer. Rainy days aren't so bad but when it is so beautiful outside, I feel so guilty. Its terrible. I can't remember not working. And for now, I just can't go back. I can't even plan when I will be able to. The people I work for are so kind and tell me I will have a job when I want to come back.
No benefit in worrying about things. I know. And I know, as many of you point out to me... almost daily, that it is okay for me to kick and scream and say how much it all sucks. I have my moments, trust me. But for the most part, I am just hanging here in limbo, waiting to see what will unfold and trying to remember that it is just the way life goes. I have been handed a hell of a plate to deal with and somebody must think I am capable. So I have to believe I am too. That is what I hold on to. That and my sweet husband and all your loving thoughts, prayers, comments, love and hugs. I am holding on.
Charlie, aka Hubbie, has not left my side in the last 3 to 4 weeks. Its not that he just wants to be close to me... but he has some major back trouble too. And he wants to be close to me. Seriously, he is planning to have a minimally invasive back surgery in about 10 days. He has had several surgeries before and they are hoping to give him relief by removing any built up scar tissue. We are quite the pair. And even though I feel like crap, look like crap and probably smell like crap... he makes me feel like a queen. And he is in more pain than I am, pretty sure.
Thursday I had a PET scan done. It is a pretty cool test actually. You can't eat any carbs, sugar or caffeine for a couple of days and then they inject you with a dose of radiated glucose. This is immediately drawn to any cancer and lights up in the test. It showed the the obstruction I am dealing with is a tumor. Now the odd thing to me is that this little bugger popped up while I was going through the last two rounds of chemo. So, I am confused and I don't much like it. I see my oncologist tomorrow. And I have another test on Tuesday which is what they need to see exactly what and where they are dealing with surgically. I have to drink about a quart of some noxious fluid that tastes like liquid lemon pledge. They refer to it as "Pina Colada". They have a strong imagination.
Anyway, that is the story for now as far as I have it. Lots of unknown. Lots of homemade soup in the kitchen. Lots of time frittering away. I have never been much of a fritterer. Rainy days aren't so bad but when it is so beautiful outside, I feel so guilty. Its terrible. I can't remember not working. And for now, I just can't go back. I can't even plan when I will be able to. The people I work for are so kind and tell me I will have a job when I want to come back.
4 comments:
Thanks again for the post...we are all waiting with you...thinking about you all the time...and sometimes waiting is all there is left to do. Sorry Charlie is going through this back thing again but glad you are together. All you have to do is call and I'll be there..you know that. I love you and wish I could take it all away. God has your back Billie. Don't ever forget that.
Hello Love Bug!
You are so amazingly strong. I can't believe you have homemade anything in your fridge - well actually yes I can - because after all - well it's you. I wish I had wonderful healing words but I'll just settle for telling you once again how much I adore you, how much you mean to me, how proud I am of you and how much I hate this devil cancer. Sending you abundant hugs and kisses, for Charlie too. Hang in there baby.
Sid and I send you our undying love, respect, prayers and hugs.
Nena is right BC, God has your back!
We love you very much
Billie Claire, Just want you to know I care. Praying for you. and love you.
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