This pretty much sucks so at least there is room for improvement

Coming storm

Last weekend was an interesting weekend. All the 9/11 stuff on the TV and on every one's mind and heart. I am sure it had a lot to do with that heavy in the heart feeling I have had.
The truth is, I haven't forgotten 9/11 but I don't need the media to see how they can pour salt into an old wound and rub it. What have we learned from the atrocities? Are we worse than before? Are we still filled with hate towards people? Does this hate help?

I read that we should hold our anger like a mother holds her new born baby.

Remember the few weeks after 9/11?
Were you a little gentled down? I was.

I was nicer to other people and they were nicer back. We looked at each other more like brothers and sisters. We are all connected to all people. No exclusions.
We all have the memory of the moment of the first plane crash and we will never forget. Loved ones or acquaintances or total strangers that fell victim to these attacks , my heart ached as if they were my own brothers and sisters, because they were. It was horrible.




When the pendulum has swung to the darkest point of the darkest side, we call foul and decide that the system is wrong. Our limited ability to see and comprehend has us believing that if we can't make sense of it then it must be wrong.

We can't see the big picture, so we decide that its all messed up. This world is just all messed up. But it isn't. It is all beautifully and horribly perfect.

The kid that gets in an accident and loses his arm to grow up to be a famous baseball player. How horrible, how awesome. The mother who loses her baby and later marries a man with 2 babies. The black, white, right, wrong, good, evil. All the same. We can't see with our limited vision, the perfection of every act.




The pendulum swings both ways but this is harder to grasp than 7th grade algebra when you are caught up in it.

Paste this link in your browser. Its a good one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzHTyxc7o30

Let it go.

I let go. I let what ever will come, come. I embrace what is. (okay, I am working on it)  I know I am perfect in every way and that life unfolds in perfection. (I am working on this too) Sometimes perfection comes dressed as a horrible monster. We are blinded to seeing what is before us as we strain to understand. I don't know why I have an illness to deal with right now. It sucks. It hurts and makes me feel simply less than I think I should.

But here I am.

This past chemo, already a week ago, has been the hardest yet to deal with. And trust me, it is hard to not want to give up. Staying in the moment, no matter how bad the moment, will get you to the next moment and then the next. And really, that's all we've got. And I am going to deal with it the best I can. Three more rounds to go and I should be done by mid November.




Loving you all and appreciate you being there with me. What a joy to know you are out there.

Thanks.