What the Doc said today

So... I went to see Doctor Canova (I call him Dr. Casanova on the sly). All they really did was take some blood and check out how it was looking. Red blood cells; check. White blood cells; check. Platelettes; check. They're all there and within normal ranges which, they tell me is good. I have gone through the first week, well almost.. after chemo and survived just fine.
Dr. Canova is an interesting fellow. I have known some calloused doctors, but this guy is definitely not one of them. He is so sweet and takes such an unbelievable amount of time with us on each visit, it is unreal. When I felt like crap last Friday and called him, I talked first with his adorable nurse, Corey, and then he got on the telephone. He was sicker than I was! He sounded terrible, really. But he took the time to talk with me about how I was feeling for as long as was needed. Today, he felt much better, as did I... and he, Charlie and I had a long talk about what was coming.

Being "poorly differentiated carcinoma" apparently has its benefits. They are treating it like ovarian cancer and it is apparently responding although it is too soon to do tests to prove it. From the way I have been feeling, and the way it looks it is getting smaller.

He went over every detail he and we could think of... what I should eat, drink, feel... how I should sleep, what will happen when my hair begins to fall out... it is funny really, how much emotion is wrapped into something like your hair falling out and he was genuinely tender about it. If it falls out, it falls out. I am no Demi Moore and am under no false belief that I will look anywhere near as gorgeous as she looked bald... and I don't like the idea of it one little bit but... it is hair. It can grow back.

He talked about the "marathon" we have begun. He thinks I am doing great and have a huge positive attitude, but I get the feeling he doesn't believe in it 100%. He is wondering how long I can keep it up, I think. He talked about the first 6 sessions of chemo and then about more... maybe as many as 10. That would be the better part of a year of chemo treatments every three weeks. Maybe he has a point. After much time spent going over all these things, I said, "Dr. Canova, you can't tell me if I will be here next year, can you?" and he said no. But then he told me about a young patient whose brother came to see him today. He'd treated the brother and I assume he'd be doing well... when he was killed in a car accident.

Life is a fragile and very thin line that we balance upon between this world and the next. I have had the privilege of life experience that have helped me to understand this for a long time. When most of us are younger, we just can't grasp the fragility of life... but as we get older and go through a losing a few people... we start to get it.

We don't know what the world has in store for us and we should not take anything for granted. Not the time we have on this earth or the sunset tonight. I learned a long time ago not to take things for granted and it has greatly improved my life and been a blessing to me. What is here one day can easily be gone the next so... don't laugh at the sappiness of this but really, tell someone you love them... or tell them you don't if that is the truth! Live your life to the fullest every single day and have fun! Cram as much damned fun into every second of every day as you possibly can. If it isn't your last day... then bully for you and hopefully you will live a long life that has been crammed full of fun. Nothing wrong with that. : D