In the beginning...

With some trepidation, I start this blog, charting my course through an ordeal I am facing. It seems almost a little self serving... self important... and I would really hate it if that is how it comes off.

The purpose of the blog is to keep those interested, informed and to allow me some freedom from re-living each moment rather than living in the moment.

A few weeks ago, I was told that the lump I'd felt on my throat was cancer. So, okay.... now I deal with the elements.

The lump was my lymph nodes saying "Hello, you might want to have this checked out" ... so I went to see my wonderful Doctor. He heard the lymph nodes talking too and sent me to a surgeon to take a closer look. The surgeon's report took me to an oncologist who explained what was going on. The cancer is "poorly differentiated carcinoma". Apparently all cancer cells do not fall into an exact parameter and that is the case with mine. The cells appear to be closest to ovarian cancer cells, so that is how they will treat them. The cells are stage 4 on a scale of 1 to 4. Stage 1 is something like skin cancer and Stage 4 is more like, you get to have chemo, surgery and go bald... but it may not be fatal, although no one gets out alive. Not out of this world anyway.

Without going into the details too far, the current story is that we are starting with chemotherapy. The chemo was started on Monday, June 14 and took about 5 hours. It is a bunch of different types of meds given intravenously. They give you meds to keep you from having allergic reactions, which make you drowsy, and they give you meds to keep you from puking... (delicate, I know) and then they give you the hard stuff... which wasn't hard at all and didn't hurt or make me feel bad. I didn't even have a bruise. I left the clinic, drove home, had dinner and got in the hot tub with the hubbie. They tell me I will probably lose my hair... so expect that. Charlie wants me to have a variety of different wigs... in different colors.... next he'll have me speaking in different accents and dressing in little costumes... (just kidding)

The next day, I felt fine. I only worked a half day because my hubbie and I had to go to Coral Springs where my newest grandson was born!! All 9 lbs and 4 ozs of him! Whew! Great Job Kristen!!

Today I felt a little icky but no big deal.

I go back for chemo every three weeks for three sessions. I go to the Onc this coming Monday to find out how the cancer is responding. I think it is responding well... but I am no Onc. After the three sessions the oncologist will decide whether to change chemo, stay with the chemo, do surgery or punt.

The main thing is this... having a positive attitude is the most important thing I can do for myself. It isn't easy and when I have to talk to people about this, it is really a lot more difficult. People hear cancer and it frightens them, of course. Everyone knows someone with cancer or who's had cancer or who has died of cancer. But, every cancer is different and every person is different in the way they react to the cancer and to the chemo. That is the difficult part of cancer... you can't pin it down. If you read statistics of survival rates... it is based on the total population of people who've had cancer. I am not typical. I am (comparatively) young, in excellent health and have a good attitude and lots to live for.

But, I can't maintain the positive attitude I need if I have to dwell on this and repeat everything and take calls from long lost family members in tears... it really brings me down.

So, I am asking for a little help. I will post to this blog to keep everyone informed. Then no one will feel like they have to ask me how I am or wonder to themselves because I don't like to talk about it. It is much easier for me to write about it. And I like to joke about it. A little morbid maybe but hey, whatever gets you by.

So that is the story. I have been getting way to many calls at work and have never been good about cell phones... so just please read the blog. It will help me a lot, really. If there isn't a post, nothing has changed. I promise to write about any new info. I still have a lot of family and friends I haven't told about this yet, so please try to keep it on the DL for a little while.

And don't be sad. It makes me sad and I can't afford sadness right now. It is just something I have to deal with so, I'm dealing. I know you keep me in your prayers and I appreciate it. Don't stop. : D