Thankful

This illness makes you feel like you are always the center of attention. Not in a Miss America kind of way but more the unwanted center of attention.

People treat you differently and its not their fault.
Everything is different.
Your appearance changes, you have different feelings, you think differently and you do some pretty different tasks that you never did in the past like making sure you have enough Vicodin to get through the weekend cause it is depressing to hurt.

It is just kind of a depressing thing all together.

And I am so freaking sorry to pull everyone in to this quagmire of mine.

So, oh yeah, there is guilt too.











But you know what I've learned....



I have learned that when people all get together and...

oh i don't know... like...

throw you a surprise birthday party when you couldn't have least expected it or been more shocked...
I learned that at first, all the conditioned feelings jump up and you're just plain stunned.
When I walked into Nick and Kristen's home and a bunch of wanna be leprechauns all jumped out yelling "Happy Birthday!" Saturday night, I had a lump in my throat the size of Montana that I couldn't move. My heart pounded, my eyes got all watery and I was enveloped in love.


That is what I learned... that I am enveloped in love.

There are a lot of pictures on this post so cruise through and take a look 

at what I have to put up with every day. 

Isn't it wonderful??

Kristen and Amelia

Nick, James and Bogie

Ryan, Braden and James with green hair!

Ryan

Braden

Isabelle

Grace

Susie, aka Nini

I love you too!

Me and Kristen

My favorite picture of Jonah

No...wait.... this is my favorite picture of Jonah....

But then this is so adorable....

Nope. Definitely this one!

And these two faces....

All these faces!

It just keeps getting better...

Norman Rockwell couldn't come up with this stuff...

Jonah and Poppie

Poppie under cover....

My hero!

Beautiful faces I love.

                                                                                                                                                                                                          



My husband, Charlie, and I have never exchanged birthday gifts.
Or anniversary gifts.
All three dates are within a few days of each other, March 7th, 20th and 24th.

When we got married on March 20th,  it was in a little 10 x 12 foot chapel that had been built by some friends of ours on a wetlands area near Destin, FL. The actual spot is called Hogtown Bayou if you really want to get romantic.  Our kids were at the wedding with a handful of their friends... our little family that had somehow managed to find each other in the midst of almost complete chaos.
 Charlie bought a new shirt and I wore an antique dress that I'd had for years...It sounds pretty but I could only find one shoe that I was supposed to wear and ended up wearing my Ked's. Charlie had a notary friend that performed the ceremony and he was awesome. And we balanced eggs on the alter. But I have already written about that.

 I carried a bunch of wildflowers and I swear to you it was the happiest day of my life.

Back in the beginning, we were broke for sure and we worked like crazy and cooked lots of food and lived in more than modest housing... that we occasional were evicted from... but we managed to survive.  And we had fun doing it. A LOT of fun. But Christmas was a challenge with so many boys that all needed so many toys.... and underwear and socks and hair cuts and Calvin Klein perfume. And then after Christmas... it was Nick and Ryan's birthdays and then John's and when March rolled around we were just forgetaboutit. Years later and we never started buying each other stuff cause we don't really care about birthdays and we celebrate being married practically everyday.

Anyway....we barely had money for a license much less a ring.
My step-father, Big Al, sent me a simple gold band as a present and that is what I have worn for going on twenty years, until Saturday night.




This year, my precious Hubbie was really tricky.

My first present from Charlie... tissues.

And then the wedding band Charlie had picked out for himself...

And then the ring that he picked out for me.

Dang, he got me!

 

  Not only was I completely surprised by a birthday party on St. Pattie's Day... but my sweet Hubbie asked me to marry him... again... and gave me the most perfect ring in the world.

 He told me it is an eternity ring.   

I have had the hardest time writing this blog post. 

My family and friends are so precious to me. 

These guys have seen me through most of my weeks of writing this blog. They have been through the last two years of chemo and baldness, hope and fear. 

They've seen past all the pity and then hurt and sadness to see just the real me. 

And they have learned that its good to open up and tell people you love them. 

Its wonderful in fact to do just that.

If this stupid illness could inspire people to share love more easily and understand the thin line that exists between life and death then great. Bring it.

 I certainly feel loved. And so very happy.

 

Look at their precious faces. Have you ever seen more beautiful smiles? More adorable children? More love in one place at one time?

Thanks to all my crazy family, extended family and awesome friends. 

I love you all so much!