There's this kid... well, he is my grandson...

There is this kid. His name is Ryan. He is getting close to three years old and like all of my grandchildren, he melts my heart.

He is smart as hell. Hilarious. And a Rocker.

And.... I think he wants a baby sister or brother pretty bad.
I noticed at Easter, how affectionate he was with his baby cousin, Jonah.


Excuse me while I melt.

Is this the sweetest thing?

Or maybe this is. I can't decide.

We have three grandsons who live very close to us. It is such a joy to be with them.

The little cherub of a girl is Isabel, the boy's cousin.

Check out Ryan...still hugging.

 Isabel, James, Ryan and Jonah.





So I picked Ryan up on Monday after Easter to spend the night. I didn't have a plan and was thinking how I don't have that many toys at the house so I asked Ryan if he'd help me pick up a few toys and he could pick out a whatever he wanted for himself that we could keep at our house.



I didn't have much trouble convincing him.



We played in the Toys R Us store for at least an hour.



First he picked out a basketball goal and ball that looked pretty cool. So we added that to our basket.



We bought marbles, sidewalk chalk and a few other things.

As we rolled down an isle of motion sensor activated baby dolls, his face just lit up and I could see that he had found what he wanted.



He got inside the basket with the baby doll that giggled and cooed and jumped up and down. He loved it. Her name is Pookey Baby.
I have no problem with this.

He only put her down for cupcakes.

 

He eats cupcakes topless and that is a good idea.

Grandchildren are just so incredibly awesome. They are so "in the moment". Its good to be around them because they remind you of what is important. And they remind you how to be almost 3 again.

Go ahead, eat a cupcake face first.

Dive right into that icing and work your way down. 

I will never eat a cupcake any other way.

:  )

CA125 showed an increase this month.

Its up to 240 from 160 and they will start me back on chemo at about 350 or so.

And so it goes.

Okay, I hear you...

I have received more than just a few emails and phone calls asking

 "What the hell is going on and why aren't you blogging!!!!????"

Sorry.

Here, I'll tell you a story and then you will laugh and not be mad anymore.

When I was a little girl, about 6 years old, I was invited to be a flower girl in my cousin's pageant.

I was the youngest of three kids and my cousin was
the oldest in my Mom's sister's brood.

Betty.

Betty was of an era that still exists in many American families today. Usually the oldest sister. The know it all that would tell on you and the one that was treated like some level of royalty for various reasons that had nothing to do with being Betty but more to do with being "first born" or "first girl" or whatever.

I was the third kid so it was more like ... whatever.

But Betty was perfect.

She strived to be perfect. Perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect amount of merit badges from girl scouts.

And she was always sweet to me in a "oh you poor little thing from a cotton patch" sort of way.
Betty lived in Memphis and went to East High, where Elvis went to High School
only a couple of years ahead of Betty.

I remember the entire attic at my Aunt Dot's house was full of Betty's ball gowns. I mean there was nothing up there but clothing racks that were full of ball gowns. And accessories. Now, my Aunt Dot worked for General Electric for something like 25 years, all day long, poking 4 little wires through 4 little holes in a little socket.

That is what she told me anyway.

But... I can't imagine how many of those little wires had to be poked to make

the dough to buy one of those ball gowns much less a hundred of them.

I wanted to get into that attic and play like you cannot imagine.

So, although I had no clear idea what a pageant was, I was in...

 thinking that I might just get a shot at dress up yet.

Rainbow girls is an organization that is a part of the Eastern Star,

the woman's side of the Mason's fraternal order.

It is sort of like Eastern Star women in training.

(My grandmother was in the Eastern Star but all I saw of it was a

bunch of women that did all the cooking for pot luck dinners at the lodge.)

Betty, being perfect, was to be crowned the Queen of all the Rainbow Girls.

And the pageant was like a wedding of sorts but no groom. I was 6. 

Anyway, I was to be the flower girl and George was to be the crown bearer. 

I got a new dress but wore my current white patent shoes that hurt my feet.

I remember those damned shoes. 

The time for the pageant was drawing near.

My sister, 6 years older and extremely authoritative, had me at home alone, 20 miles in the middle of
no where.

She told me that Mom had called and wanted her to cut my hair for the pageant.

"Nuh-uh! I want to call Mama!"

No, my sister told me because she is at work and too busy. So several threats later, my sister Nena, began her short lived career as a hair dresser. 

The bangs she cut were always longer on one side than the other so she had to even them up and then...

they were longer on the other side and so on, until there just weren't any bangs left.

Mom threw a fit when she came home.  

I don't remember how they got things evened out and I didn't really care about my hair.

I had my new dress on and my squeezy shoes and I had a bouquet to hold and

I thought I looked pretty damn good,

until Betty came in.

I remember Betty, coming through some big doors with tons of Rainbow Girls all hugging and making over her like a Queen...

She had on the prettiest white flowing organza filled lacy mesh wonder I'd ever laid eyes on.

She took one look at me, and burst into tears.

Come on...

Well, Betty's life wasn't nearly ruined like she thought and

I got this great photo to help remember this event.
It is always worth a good laugh to me. 

Betty never managed to achieve perfection.

I never got to play in that attic either.

My last blood work showed no increase in the level of CA-125, tumor markers.

Hallelujah!
Join me in being really, really happy.
Thank you all so much for your support. I will try to be more diligent in my reporting.

All my love...

  

Did you see the Moon last night????

The full moon as it rises over the Lincoln Memorial, Saturday, March 19, 2011.

Last nights full moon was very special. It was called a Super Perigee Moon. It was huge and gorgeous.

It was actually about 14% closer than normal and 30% brighter.

The perigee is the point in the orbit of the moon when it is nearest the Earth.

The "Super" perigee is the same thing but with a full moon.

Ahhhhhh.......

And,

This particular full moon happened to occur during the vernal or spring equinox,

a time each year that signifies the birth of Spring.

The vernal equinox is a time when the Earth's axis is not tilted away from or toward the Sun and the Sun will cross directly over the Earth's equator.

It is a  little over my astronomical head but here.. look at this picture and see if it helps... 

Anyway, there is a small window of time during the vernal equinox,

when you can easily balance an egg on end.

The last time there was a Super Perigee Moon during a Vernal equinox was on March 19, 1993,

the day I married the love of my life.

See the egg on the alter, just in front of the cross?

His story is, "I told Billie I'd marry her the day she could balance an egg on end,

and damned if she didn't find one!"

Still madly in love with him after all these years.

Mom

My Mom is a gardener. We have a large yard and it has been encircled by brick edged flower beds. Both of our houses are also encircled with brick edged flower beds... as is the pumphouse... as is the driveway.

She just likes it.

She will work until shes all red in the face and soaking wet and laugh about it.

She reminds me of a lot of other women I have admired and loved.

She can be the stubbornedest person on the planet.

She loves my dog. 

My Hubbie can do anything. He's crafty but you have to keep an eye on him...he previously built us a very large "Kitty Condo" out of plywood and scrap carpet. It weighed about 400 lbs and I ran into it everythime I went to the bathroom at night. It took me about 6 months to get it to the curb and even then I think I hurt his feelings.

He also built a ramp about 20' long up to our back porch for Chloe, our granddaughter-dog.

Chloe isn't as spry as she used to be and has trouble just getting up three steps.

Now that is just plain sweet I don't care who you are.

My Mom loves a crafty man.

My Mom gets you to do something for her in a way that is almost provacative.

She will say "Charlie, can you tell me how to move my bowling balls to the attic?"

The next thing you know, you're toting bowling balls to the attic.

Okay, the bowling balls are just an example, but you know what I mean.

She likes her independence and its good that she can be here and have her own place.
 (And have Charlie to do her bidding. )




We are similar in ways and complete opposites in other ways.



My house is pretty much a zoo most of the time.
Mom has always kept house like most people keep museums.
She doesn't like to cook with other people in her kitchen, I usually have a crowd.
She prefers to follow a recipe, I like to throw it all together.
My glass is always half full, hers is half empty and knocked over and making a big mess.

There are definitely moments when I am overwhelmed with love for her and then there are other times

when I want to send her to the moon.

That is just the way it is.

I love my Mom.



Monday's Off

I suppose that after following my doctors advise on everything else, when he says to slow down and take it easy.. I gotta listen. Thankfully, I work in a pretty awesome place that is allowing me to take off on Monday's for an indefinite period of time. (Til I have a head full of hair. )
It is a good thing, just never anything I have ever done. I have always, always worked and let me tell you something, daytime T.V. sucks!  So I made a cake.... and practiced making flowers and leaves with icing.

Baby Ryan, all 2.5 years of him, spent the night with me and Hubbie, aka, Mimi and Pops, on Saturday. He is too cute for words. He has a new Spiderman toothbrush that flashes red for a minute. The idea is to get them to brush the whole time it flashes. It worked like a charm.




 
Here I am hovering....

He likes to knock on the door to Granny's house (Mom lives in my backyard).

Then, he runs back on the patio so she can see him through the window.

He ate a big dinner, played etc., and went to bed without a struggle. I checked on him a few minutes later and he was still wide eyed, but resting and quiet so I left him alone. Hubbie checked on him about 10 minutes later and called me from the hallway, "Billie, where is Ryan? He is not in his bed!"

I was off the couch and down the hall in a nano second,

opened the bathroom door and there he sat, on the toilet, taking a poop.

I swallowed my heart and hugged him on the pot, asking if he was okay..

"Mimi! What happened to your hair??" 

(Opppps, I forgot the scarf that I normally have on in my haste.)

"It all fell out honey, but it is growing back." He rubbed my fuzzy head.

"Are you still Mimi?"

"Yes, angel, I will always be Mimi."

"Okay."

I'd been afraid to show my grandkids my lovely bald head, but in less than a minute, it was revealed, accepted and dismissed.

Sweet dreams, Ryan. I love you.

The first beach day of the year

Yesterday was wonderful. I spent time on the beach in the morning and the rest of the day hanging out and playing with three of my grandsons. What is that stuff called again?? Oh yeah, unconditional love.
Oh and that other thing... living in the moment. Yep, that's the one. The kids are so obviously present in the moment. They are totally free to act silly, sing, scream, cry, have hurt feelings and express it all and not hold anything back, including sloppy kisses with runny noses. Or poop. Baby Jonah is delighted to share his most recent poop with you and he is deeeeelighted to have you clean his butt while he kicks his feet and gurgles with joy.

In the moment is a comfortable place for them. They don't give much thought to the things we dwell on. They aren't concerned with how they look, what other people think, how they should control their tempers. They haven't learned yet how to suppress their feelings. They wear them right out front and are happy to share with anyone. They have such joy.  Happy to have their feet buried in the sand, over and over. Happy to be hugged and give hugs. Happy to shriek at the top of their lungs. Happy to smile back. Even the baby, if he looks at you and you smile, he instantly smiles back. I could do it for hours.

Guess what college Ryan and Sonya attended? Sonya, Baby Ryan and I went to the beach on Saturday. 

This is Kristen with her new baby, Jonah at the circus in November. Nick and Kristen also have another son, James.

Here is James at Christmas dinner trying to teach me gang signs.

This is Susie, Kristen's mom. She is adorable.We are Mimi and Nini. : D

This picture is missing Baby Jonah but otherwise has all my boys and grandchildren.

From left to right on the sofa, James, Nick, Niles, Alana, Ryan, Baby Ryan, John and Griffin.

Charlie (aka Hubbie) is in the back

Nick and Niles have always had a close relationship.

Here are my two little imps, James and Ryan, climbing over the end of the sofa to jump...on me... although they have been repeatedly warned to stop. It is such fun! They are so happy!!

(It is kinda hard to get a focused picture of these two.)

Now I am off to play with these guys at a birthday party.

I am going to allow myself to be about 5 or 6 years old.

Hope you are having a fun day too!

With love and joy for this day,

B



A scary place

I know you guys listen to me babble on and on about being positive and loving life and get you get sick of it. I would. (I don't say Namaste and don't really know what it means)

Truth is, I find it pretty freaking scary out there in the world too. It is why I work to stay positive and not let any of that negativity into my head. There are crazy things that happen everyday in each of our lives. There are tons of things that we must endure that make us feel like our hearts will just break into.
Life's lessons don't come too cheap.

One of my oldest and dearest girlfriends lost her Mom the other night and I know as my girlfriend deals with all of this, her heart is aching. Mine too. Her mom was like a Mom to me. She was like a Mom to everybody, and everybody called her Mimi.

Now, that is what my Grandchildren call me.  My daughter-in-law, Kara, suggested it for my grandmother name and I instantly loved it for a wonderful reason. Hearing my G-kids call me "Mimi" is the sweetest music to my soul.

I feel like I have lost several of my mothers through my close friends losing theirs. Sometimes I think we just have to allow ourselves a time to feel sad and let some heartache out... and then... work on it.

So today I am going to allow myself a seat on the pity chair and feel selfishly sad for this planet losing such a sweet soul.
And then I am going to think of all the times she enriched my general well being and realize that she is still with me in so many memories.
And then, I am going to think of those old memories and fill my self with her sweetness.
And then, I will feel better.

I will enjoy my wonderful thoughts and I will feel better.

You can join me if you want by remembering some sweet person you love that has passed away and let some of it out of your heart a little bit. Let some sadness sweep through you and allow yourself a moment or two. Then begin to think of sweet memories and feel yourself happy again.

The opposite of birth is death.

There is no opposite of life. Life is eternal.

For Mary

Namaste, y'all