Pictures of the oil spill & then some

Nena and Alan's abode.







Bernice and Shugie.

My honey pie, Charlie and Nena's hubbie, Alan out for a cruise.


Okay, I promise not to get on my soapbox today....but as you can see... the water in Destin is clear as a bell... from that beautiful emerald green to deep azure blue and the sand, like sugar.




No OIL.




It was a great visit. We had wonderful shrimp gumbo and drove thru all the new developements in the area in Nena and Alan's Jeepster. I practiced my prom queen wave. Mom had a great time too. I think it gave her some confidence about being able to get out and about.

Just wanted to share a photo or two now that I have figured out how to load them. : D

Have a great day!

Billie & Bernice

Falling behind in my blog....

So, normally after chemo I go to see my Oncologist within about 5 days. I saw Dr. Canova on Monday. No really huge news this time but he seemed pretty pleased with how well I am handling chemo and not taking any of the additional drugs. Lord knows 5hours of intravenous drugs pumping into a body is more than enough. I am a little anemic but will just have to get out the iron skillet! Since I am handling it well, he may continue with the chemo for 8 rounds rather than 6 but definite plans haven't been made. Just have to wait and see.
I love the posts you guys put on my blog. If I ever have a glimmer of poopiness during a day, I can always take a second to read some of them and I perk up immediately. My family in the Memphis area that I haven't seen in way too long feels as close as my next door neighbor. Friends from as long ago as first grade still keeping me going. I appreciate you all so much. Much love to you all.

Snoopy's tap dance

Had my third chemo on Tuesday of last week. I decided after the first and second round that I wouldn't take any of the medications for nausea and pain they provide you to take after chemo and guess what... I felt better and got through the rough patch quicker than ever. So... Snoopy tap dance for me!!
Going to see the onc Doc tomorrow. I think he will do blood tests to see whats going on and will report back.
Sorry for the lag time in blogging. I have had several calls, emails etc. and didn't mean to alarm anyone. I am fine as frog hair and getting finer.
I hate to keep reporting the same old thing... blah blah chemo, blah blah testing, blah blah yucky days...
The truth is I still feel great and am loving life. I have an absolutely wonderful life... great husband, wonderful kids, adorable grandchildren, just all around great family. I am proud.
The thing is, I can't say, "I am going to kick this cancer's ass" because I don't know if I will or not. I will try my best but it's not "my" will be done, ya know?
I can promise this, if it is my time to go, I will handle that too. It is not like I'd be doing something I am not going to do sooner or later anyway... so I am sort of resigned to that. My life so far has been pretty wonderful and I have everything to be grateful for and I am.
I don't really believe in a one shot deal sort of life. I don't believe that you are born and you live and die and go to heaven or hell, end of story. I don't even actually believe in hell. Heaven I am still kind of hoping for! I respect tradition but I don't believe it is always the truth. I think we do come back time and again to live a life, often with the same people, with a common goal, to get to be the very best person you can be... I may need a few more lives to work on it. : D
I am not afraid. I don't fear death... and honestly, kind of look forward to it. I am not in a hurry to get there, but I am just here now and we'll see what happens. I am not in control, nor is anyone else... although there are many people you may never convince of that... they probably have ulcers.
I feel surrounded at all times with love and help and understanding and comfort and encouragment. I put familiar faces to these feelings and like to think of them as communications with others in my family that have died but are still very much alive. It is an amazing thing.

Quiet Sunday

Life flows by in a blur sometimes and I love every second of it.

Destin was was such a great trip. It had been too long since I had visited the area, my sister and her hubbie.

Signs of the times that got my back up....

1. The beaches are as pristine as ever.
2. Working people there are struggling to stay in biz.
3. The news media in general should be categorized as a terrorist.
4. BP is at least trying.

DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU HEAR OR SEE ON CNN. There was no oil on the beaches and they are virtually empty of visitors (especially for high season) except for droves of local people, hired by BP to patrol the beaches for oil. I am only one person but I can tell you that you could see more balls at a Indigo Girls concert than on the beach at Destin.

No tar, no oil, no tourists, no more Destin... before too long. PLEASE go to the Emeral Coast and tell your friends to go. It is tough to compete with the advertising power of CNN but I am trying to help.

It is sad to see people losing their businesses after struggling through Katrina, et al.
Break any habit you may have of turning on any news station, including the weather channel for a while. You will be a happier person for it and you will still know what is going on, trust me... News flash, Lindsay Lohan is going down like the spoiled, media hyped, desperate person you already knew she was with access to too much of everything. Personally, I can't help her and don't really give a rats ass. Please, oh please let the Kardashian's be next!

I know of one friend of my sister's that owns a beach business of renting chairs, umbrellas, etc. on a gorgeous spot on the beach. She took her financial info to BP to show them how much she'd lost since the oil episode. They cut her a check on the spot (damn) and and are mailing her an additional check that will get her back on her feet and where she needs to be.

At any rate, it was a beautiful trip and not too physically hard... much good food and vist'n. Mom laughed so much, and that was awesome.

More test results show that the cancer is shrinking. We are on the right track and responding well. More chemo in order.. at least 4 more sessions and then another series of tests for evaluation. Tuesday the 27 is chemo day.

When I came home from Destin, one of my oldest and dearest friends came down from Memphis with her hubbie for a visit. Lynn and Rogers had been down about 4-5 years ago and we'd had a bunch of fun. This time, Lynn said she just wanted to rub my bald head and "Wish Cotton was a monkey". ... but we never got around to that.
More vist'n, more eating and lots of laughs. Lynn felt better after seeing me and I think she was a little surprised, or maybe just relieved to see that I am happy.
I really am happy.

Honestly, I haven't felt sad... well... except maybe about losing my hair, ("vanity, vanity, thy name is Billie")

On the whole, I really feel almost privileged. In the weird way my brain is dealing with all this, I feel like I must be pretty special to be dished out a load like this one... and the real challenge is more the ability to be able to bear it gracefully and come out a better person as a result. It is that old saying, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" and I feel stronger. I feel alive. I try to really live every second of everyday. Its fun! What an awesome opportunity to be reminded that we are all finite human beings and shouldn't take a moment for granted. And what a way to re-connect! Get cancer and people you haven't had a chance to be closer with in a long while are right there for you! Family, friends, emails, cards, prayers, love... and it is all great.

As always, your comments and support and prayers all serve to fuel my outlook. I can't thank you enough.

New Photo!

Okay, I apologize.... but thought it best to get this outta the way.....I changed my profile picture to one that is more....timely!
Charlie took a photo of my wittle bitty bald head and here you go!
Love and big hugs,
Billie

Opppsss... I got behind....

Apologies for not writing sooner... my home computer has been on the fritz.
Lets see.... had another chemo session Tuesday the 6th followed by a pretty yucky week. No biggie. They're juggling meds to find something mild enough to not make me more sick and strong enough to ... not make me more sick. The practice of medicine...
The one thing I want to share is that they did some blood work, "tumor markers" that I do not have a great understanding of, but they use them to gauge how much cancer...there is. I started (and I did not know this or at least it didn't soak in) with a CA 125, which is the type of cancer I think, of 16,000. It is down to 4000. That means it is reduced already by 75%. (Thanks to my 6th grade math teacher, Mrs. Pyland) Now, normal is between 1 and 16 so I have a way to go, but that is good freaking news to me.
For the first time, I am allowing myself to think I may get through this.
I am as bald as a baby's butt. The short hair cut lasted two days and it was time for the buzz. Then Charlie bought me a little head shaver... too cool. It looks like a race car and the blade curves so it races over your head. I like it! I can't quit rubbing my head!!
We are taking my Mom to see my sister for a long weekend. Mom hasn't hardly been out of Hobe Sound since she moved here and we haven't seen Nena in a couple of years so I had the opportunity and am taking it. It will be great and I will report back soon.
I can't tell you all how much I have appreciated your comments... your prayers and your love. More than any drug, it is your love that has kept me breathing, I promise.

Learning to let go and be independent : )

Yesterday, I cut my hair really short... It had gotten really thin and looked like I was going through a nuclear winter, so I got my scissors and went to town. My joke of the day was when someone would say, "Oh your hair looks cute!" .. I'd grab a little tuft which came out easily and say, "Thanks, would you like some?" My husband cracked up but my Mom didn't quite see the humor. I have to get a camera and post some pics. My far away friends and family should get a load of this. I may have to shave it off tomorrow... I am shedding worse than my yellow lab, Birdie. It is apropos that on 4th of July weekend, its time to learn to not be dependent on hair...

I also joined a forum for women with ovarian cancer. Its just that there are so many questions I want to ask and while my doctor is extremely patient and thorough... sometimes you just want to hear it from another woman who is or has been there. What I have learned is that this is a long thing to fight because of the rate of recurrence and the survival stats just aren't that good...less than 40%... but hey, someone has to make the 40%, right?

It is weird because there is a part of me that wants to be accepting and sort of brace myself for the chance that I may not make it. Then there is the other side of the coin that makes me want to refuse to accept it and kick some ass. I think you'd call this a dichotomy.

I have physically been feeling really great. My next chemo is on Tuesday.

I am cramming my head full of wonderful, positive information through books, CDs, etc. And I have a whole posse of people out there who are keeping me in their thoughts and prayers and I know this helps to keep my spirits high.

My husband has got to be my strongest ally, best friend and the person who keeps me laughing. I am blessed with such a beautiful family and a ton of wonderful friends.

Who or what are you blessed with?