You only think I haven't been writing....

Truth is, I have written several posts and just not posted them. Well, 8 to be exact.

Writing is a way for me to get stuff out of my system. I get out the anger and humiliation. The bitching about insurance companies and the people that work for them. The frustrations of feeling like crap and going to work anyway, and bringing bagels and pastries.

I think about things and purge them. Then I go on for a few days sometimes and write and purge some more.



My numbers, the blood work with which they gauge the level of C in my system has been on a steady incline and is now to the point where they want to start me back on chemo. Probably next week. It is just the way it goes. Otherwise, we'd have a cure, take chemo once and be done with it.

There is actually a ton of new stuff they are doing with all types of cancer these days. Incredible molecular things that would blow your mind.

I am reminded by many, many people that there are lots of alternatives to chemo out there.
I know. Thanks so much and I know you mean well but you are going to have to trust me on this, I do know.
I have read about a ton of things.  Probably more than you'd think. I know that you want to help but you need to understand, from coffee enemas to gorging on grapes to you just wouldn't believe it all........  that no one can try everything.
I know it is a burden for you to walk with me through this time of my life but I truly treasure every moment
that I spend with you. The love that I feel from you fills me with the best of everything I need.


Here is my cure. I try to keep myself living in the moment. This one moment, right here.
Yes, I slip. A lot. But I try to snap out of it, quit dwelling in my ceaselessly yammering mind and see what a great moment I can be in right now.
That's it. That's my cure.

One has to make choices and I have made mine. I have a great doctor and I like him. I trust him to take care of me.
Chemo worked before and it will probably work again. I actually sort of breezed through it.  What ever. If I don't breeze through it and I croak, after all the obvious souls I want to see, I am going to hang out with Rodney Dangerfield. That is why I continue to work on all my dance moves. And really, if I believe all the stuff I claim to believe, and I do, then I am not going anywhere. Where would I go? Skin and bones may be gone but I will still exist as I always have existed. You aren't getting rid of me that easily.

If you are there, reading this, I love you. Just want you to know. And thanks. From the bottom of my heart, thanks.

You're awesome.

Check it out

I get so many calls, emails and texts from friends and family telling me they can't leave a comment. I think because this blog is a Google blog that you may have had to have a gmail account to comment but... I have changed the settings on the comment thingy and I believe that anyone should be able to leave a comment. I am not technically that savvy but this is the diagram I used.... JUST KIDDING!

 

Please, oh please, for me... leave a comment when you can. You have no idea how much I love, appreciate and need them. And so does the rest of the world... or at least the part of the world that reads this blog. To date,there have been 7,493 people who have read my blog. Not individuals... but just how many times it has been read... but still... that is a lot. To me, anyway. And if you ever think there is someone who might benefit from reading it, by all means, share the thing.

 Here is one comment from a dear friend of mine and my Hubbies... He and his wife and the two of us have spent a bunch of time together and had a ball over the years.

Billie,

 

I enjoy reading your blog.  I would respond to it there but for some reason I can't get the response thing to work.  I think I am a fairly intelligent being but I must be generationally challenged when it comes to computer stuff.

 

Anyway I need to take exception to your last entry.  I have known you for a long time now and I think I know you fairly well.  So what I have to say carries some weight.  You DO look good!  You have always looked good and you always will look good!  The packaging is great but your spirit shows through too so the overall effect is very impressive! 

 

Anyway, that's what I have to say.

 

Love you Billie,

 

Charlie

 

 How sweet is that?? How could I have a bad day after reading this comment???? No way! 

There are many more, but you get the idea. Please check it out and let me know.

 

Saturday my Hubbie and I are driving to Savannah to meet my eldest son, his wife and their two kids, spend the night, eat at Paula Deen's I hope and then we will bring the kids back to W. Palm for a week with us. I am so excited I can hardly stand it.
Paula Deen and I have a lot in common. A lot of BUTTER! 


XOXOXOXOXO,
Billie